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| Thank you Google Images for the photo |
As I have shared previously I am making my way through a
very confronting book, A Course In Weight
Loss by Marianne Williamson. It’s never a mistake that an hour after
posting on my blog about Forgiveness I pick up this book to continue reading
and this chapter is too about forgiveness.
This chapter talks about our deepest fear is one of being
acknowledged as beautiful, that the idea of being healthy and skinny frightens
me. For the first time in a long time this is one fear I won’t deny. I think
about being healthy and having this body I have seen in my mind’s eye before
but truth of the matter is, I don’t know how to navigate the world being that.
I know how to navigate the world being a plus size girl. I know how to navigate
comments, doorways, airplane seats, etc. I don’t know how to handle or what the
world would be like as a skinnier version of me. The chapter continues to talk
about trusting that you are strong enough to handle being beautiful and
trusting that the world is not a dangerous place.
This chapter took a little digesting and as a result the
exercise in the chapter is to write an apology letter, so once again what better
place to share this than here…
Fat B*tch Apologizes…
Dear Skinny Cheerleader,
I know
that I haven’t been the nicest person to you. Stuffing you away with all the
food and trying to ignore the fact that you exist. I’ve never actually seen you
because I started to get heavy at such an early age so it’s hard to believe you
really exist. Although, I’m certain I’ve seen glimpses of you in the mirror and
it did make me smile. I want to love you, but the consumption of fear at time
is overwhelming and the eating of food so easy. I’m hoping, praying and trying
to trust that if I stay the course I’m on, you’ll be revealed. With the help of
my trainers, my friends and some Divine guidance I will embrace all the love
that you are. I’m sorry.
Bare
With Me,
Fat
B*tch
Skinny Cheerleader Responds…
Dear Fat B*tch,
I’m
right here, pom pom’s in hand. Ready when you are.
Ready
to be Exposed,
Skinny
Cheerleader
P.S –
Yes that was me you saw in the mirror.
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